Some people, wherever they go, whatever they look at and whoever they talk to, always behave as if they were worthless. Even when they are with their friends they feel like strangers, withdraw, and hold judgemental conversations in their head… Or they visit their family and keep their eyes on the negative side. Their attention is always on what they did not receive. They even refrain from dreaming beautiful dreams for themselves, because they do not feel they deserve them and have no hope that they will come true.
The feeling of worthlessness causes people to perceive themselves as less valuable than others. A person who feels worthless does not see themselves as important enough, finds themselves inadequate and feels left in the background both in society and among those close to them.
Self-esteem is also negatively affected, because the person loses faith in themselves and remains under the influence of negative thoughts and feelings. Usually, when the feeling of worthlessness is very intense, the person tends to withdraw from social settings and social contact. This begins to damage their self-confidence too, because they also tend to avoid close relationships. They may also think they are not appreciated or liked in even the smallest situation. This can cause them to distance themselves socially.
At the same time, the person grants others the rights they do not consider themselves worthy of. They often take on the role of being ‘overly giving’ towards those around them, thinking of helping as a duty they must always fulfil. However, they may show this role more towards people who are not close to them; within the family it may change, because they feel more at ease there – they tend to see family members as extensions of themselves.
In someone with a strong belief of worthlessness, the pride system has also developed irrationally. They cannot accept their own mistakes, and instead of trying to understand why they behaved as they did, they constantly criticise and judge themselves. They feel compelled to compare themselves with others all the time. For this reason, they find it hard to accept even minor criticism.
In fact, when we look at human existence, we come into the world with a feeling of incompleteness from infancy. Human beings begin life in a state of helplessness: with a tiny body we depend on others, everything is huge, adults give instructions and there are many things we have to learn. All this leads to a feeling of incompleteness, but at the same time this feeling contributes to our growth, because it is an important motivation for development. It helps humanity to develop, to focus attention and to achieve goals.
However, the belief of worthlessness is different from the normal feeling of incompleteness. Rather than motivating the person to do and create more, it leads to a vicious circle.
What Causes the Belief of Worthlessness?
Childhood Experiences:
Our first, root experiences in life form the basis of our positive and negative beliefs about ourselves. Our experiences with our first caregivers – our mother and father – how they responded to our behaviour, whether they contained our emotions and how they coped with difficult experiences shape our beliefs about life and about ourselves.
The belief of worthlessness also usually has its roots in childhood experiences. If, when you think about your childhood, you feel that you were not valued, that your feelings were not understood, that your ideas were not taken into account or that there was no free environment in which to express them, feelings of worthlessness are probably often with you. Destructive criticism experienced continually since childhood also damages a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Being compared with others and having one’s feelings dismissed also create a belief of worthlessness.
A belief of worthlessness can form through the experiences a child is exposed to, and it can also be learned from the behaviour the child sees in their parents. For example, growing up with a parent who never puts themselves first, stays in the background, always prioritises others and does not value themselves can teach a child a general belief of worthlessness within the family.
Negative Thoughts About Oneself
When a person has negative thoughts about themselves, the belief of worthlessness can be triggered by any situation or cue. For example, when someone holds a belief such as ‘I am not valuable; others are more valuable than me’, the belief of worthlessness is reinforced and makes them feel unimportant.
People also tend to compare themselves with others. This comparison usually leaves them feeling less important, less successful and less capable. This belief often brings with it a belief of inadequacy as well. The more people compare themselves with others and see themselves as inadequate, the more they develop a perfectionist outlook in order to cope. They try to present the best version of themselves in every situation. However, when they fail to do so, or make even the smallest mistake, they judge themselves and feel even more worthless.
What Psychological Problems Can the Belief of Worthlessness Lead To?
Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Social isolation
Problems in close relationships
Physical complaints
Obstacles at school or work
Harmful habits
Anger problems
Suicidal thoughts in the long term
How to Cope with the Belief of Worthlessness
Self-Acceptance: Instead of criticising, judging and comparing yourself, try to love and appreciate yourself. When you do not accept yourself as you are, you begin not to love or value yourself either. Self-acceptance contributes to developing self-compassion. As a result, you will approach yourself in a gentler and more inclusive way, recognising that your mistakes are normal while reminding yourself of the lessons to be learned.
Developing Positive Beliefs: When you feel worthless, try supporting yourself in a positive way. Instead of telling yourself things like ‘I can’t do it, I failed, I’m worthless’, you can say positive things – for example, ‘I can’t do it yet, I’m trying, I’m fine as I am.’ Remind yourself of your strengths and try to support yourself just as you would support a friend who felt the same way.
Mistakes Are Normal: Accepting that making mistakes is part of being human will help you. Making mistakes also gives you the chance to gain experience and makes you more resilient in life. People who grow and progress are usually those who make mistakes but learn from them and gain experience. Otherwise, if you do not allow yourself to make mistakes and adopt a perfectionist attitude, you are likely to feel even more worthless and inadequate.
Strengthen Your Resources: You can ask for support from the friends and family members who are good for you and with whom you feel good, and share your feelings with them. You can also strengthen your resources by turning to hobbies you enjoy, regular physical activity and your interests, and let them support you in this.
Get Help from a Professional: If the belief that you are worthless accompanies you in every area of your life, professional support can help you manage intense emotions and improve your present by working on past experiences and traumas connected to it. With expert support you can develop healthier, more positive beliefs and live feeling more valuable.
This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for diagnosis or treatment. In an emergency, call 112.